Missing Small

"You're gonna miss this."

I feel like I hear that statement at least once a week, usually from someone older than myself, a seasoned parent perhaps, grandparent, or just someone who thinks my kids are cute in the store. I will admit, there are so many moments and things I will miss about my children being small, but there are also those I will not. Diapers. Wipes. Waking in the night. Messes with food. Potty Training. 

Funny that I say that as I am about ready to dive head first into all of it over again. I can't wait to experience again things like snuggles from a tiny who doesn't nearly squish me in my chair (though I will take those too, any day), quiet times alone with a baby, little feet, little clothes, I guess all things little. Lord willing, I will have this chance in January. I have been recently reminded of how sometimes as life continues to grow on the inside, things are taken for granted on the outside. A dear friend lost her little boy just before birth and it broke my heart. I thought of how that would feel and it terrified me. How would I explain something like that to my others who are anxiously awaiting and counting down the weeks until "after Christmas." I pray for God's will, but in my deepest heart want to control the outcome now more than ever. I long for smallness more as I watch the older ones grow up so fast.

I was with my kids this weekend in the mall. I don't normally enjoy taking them shopping, but if it ends with a play session at MyTown, a pretending paradise for all those who enter, they do pretty well. I had told them while Daddy was looking for a present for a friend and stocking up on hunting supplies, we would grab pretzels and play. While waiting in line behind an older couple John decided to push his way forward to get a better glimpse of the twisted doughy goodness behind the glass. One left. And who do you suppose that was for? Not us. I had to quickly look for a solution and my eyes caught two others in the corner of the case, cinnamon. The kids were just as excited about those also, to my relief. Ella and I are keen on dipping them in cheese, but in the case of the cinnamon covered dough, I forwent the cheese. The older gentleman turned around to see the kids behind him, not noticing the tiny amount of disappointment he'd caused their pregnant mother by taking the only pretzel that had dipping potential, and said with a smile, 

"My youngest is 20. I barely remember this age."

I smiled back as the cashier handed me the cinnamon pretzels and asked if I needed "a drink to go with them." Yes Please. Lemonade, light ice. I turned again to the man and without even thinking twice said while laughing, 

"Well, sir, I can't seem to FORGET it right now." 

He and his wife chuckled as they saw that I was expecting another and counted 3 already by my side. They responded "Have a wonderful day," "You too" I said as they left. 

We walked along the empty mall storefronts on our way to play and I thought to myself, I guess really, I don't want to forget it. It's why I take so many pictures. It's why I write down all the funny things they say. Not remembering these days would be horrible to me. Sure, there are times when putting a bad moment or poor choice behind me feels good. However, I want to remember by looking through albums and telling stories, and reading the pages of quotes I already have to my kids as they grow. So, although my first response had to do with never being able to forget them being small now, I should have followed it up with, 

"Nor do I EVER want to."

The current smallest dressed up as a fireman at MyTown.

Change.

Our last Bloomsburg Fair day.
Peter is tired of me taking pictures, despite the look on his face, it was a great time.

Let me see, how can I adequately explain all that has gone on in the past few months? Seeing as I am even farther behind on this "timeline" of a blog, and catching up just seems to be a daunting task, I am going to ask you to be patient with me. Things are changing. My life has been drastically different since the first day of school. I spend more time in the car. Going from place to place seems like the norm and my kids don't even participate in sports, yet. My house is a perpetual mess. I can't figure out what to cook for dinner most nights. I am getting bigger by the week and while my excitement to meet my little boy grows with my body, I just can't get things done like I used to. I sleep when John naps and my other two color quietly, play puzzles, or watch a movie. My boys have needed hair cuts for weeks. At first the shaggy look was cute, now it just looks like I forgot about one more thing. The calendar is filling up with church activities, school functions, Andrew's responsibilities, visitors (yeah!), and appointments. I am trying to read like 3 different books at once. Somehow in the midst of all of this craziness, we have still found the time spend as a family, with friends, and just doing nothing. This is not my style when things are chaotic around me, or my dwelling place is never picked up, but I have had to adapt. There are just some things that are more important than a dinner spread or all things updated and neatly put in their place. Life is happening, life is growing, and on days when I am just plain tired, I'd much rather read the kids a bed time book (which is even getting pushed aside most days) and relax at night while they sleep.

Last weekend I was so excited to spend a night away with a friend to attend a conference about writing, blogging, and just life in general. I learned a lot and took a bunch of notes (I even commented about my finger hurting), and really had to ask myself, What is this blog about and what is my goal in keeping it up? Well, after taking the week to think and pray on it, I still don't have a clearcut answer, but this, I do know. Facebook is for keeping caught up with pictures and events. The pressure of posting in both of these places has finally gotten to me. The Grandparents are on Facebook and my Grandpa who is not, doesn't even own a computer. People connect more to my posts about life and thoughts, and stories which I have learned from, than from seeing 10 of the same pictures they just saw on FB. Those are just a few of my realizations among the most important one : I want this blog to be a ministry. I want to connect with my family and friends over heart issues, kid issues, parenting issues, food, and crafts, most of all, bless others with my words. 

So, all that to say, I am sorry for the few of you who may not see every picture I take on our outings (Andrew thinks I take way too many anyway), or who may miss out on a quote or two from my status updates, but I am planning to take a tiny bit of a different direction here. I will still show pictures and keep updates, but I want to write. About whatever. When I laugh I want others to laugh with me, when I'm down, I want to hopefully be able to encourage someone else who is going through junk too, when God is teaching me something, I want to share. I feel this is just a small change among the many big ones our family is about to embark on. Finishing residency (Praise the Lord), moving in 8 months, having another baby, selling our first home (tear), not knowing where we are going until less than 3 months before we get there, and just overall growing as a family in all these uncertainties. 

Since I started to write this post, my kids have molded play-doh into cookies, colored and put stickers on papers, built a small land on the train table for their dinosaurs, and eaten a snack. You'd think it had been hours, nope, maybe 40 minutes. That's busy for you. The belly baby has been kicking me from the inside out as well. (I love that) I am thankful for life as it unfolds in the every day around me and I can't wait to share more of it with you. 

"Mom! I need you to cut this box so I have a bath for my skunk!!" ~Peter from the living room as I write.

Lake Tobias

On September 1st, Andrew had the weekend off and we have been meaning to see Lake Tobias for some time now. It is a little over an hour drive from our house, so it wasn't bad at all. We had planned ahead and left early since it was going to be very hot that day. After a drive through Starbucks we were on our way! When we got there we did the bus tour first which was a really neat way to see the animals up close. Unfortunately, my phone was also stolen on that tour, so the photos I took with it were lost, but I had my camera too. Despite the fact that it made the trip a bit of a downer, I tried my best to still have a good time because there was nothing we could do about it. We were able to see lions in their cages, alligators (Peter was convinced they were dead since they didn't move), bears, zebra, and fish. On the tour we got close to buffalo, birds, elk, deer, longhorn cow and a few others. It was worth the trip down to check it out. The kids played and we had lunch there too. I recommend going to Lake Tobias, just keep a hold of your belongings. 

First Day of School

It was kind of a wild adventure getting the kids started in school this year. We had planned to send them to different schools and at the last minute we decided that it would be a better fit for them to both be at the same one. They go 5 days a week, for half day. I drop them off and watch them walk in together down the very long sidewalk leading up to the front door, and pick them up being greeted by hugs and "Can we play at the playground?" each day. The school has a small play area where the kids get out their extra energy before lunch on nice days. They are both really enjoying the time they have in class. Their teachers are great and we have been very happy with it. Peter is obsessed with letter sounds and how to spell things. They do "The Letter People" and each week he has a new letter that has a name, a story, and a song. i.e Mrs P and her Pointy Patches. Ella is doing well with the start of reading and learning to write words. She loves for me to write things down and have her copy them. Her class has frogs and ladybugs which they've watched grow from tadpoles and larvae. A few nights a week she brings homework to complete and I think it makes her feel like a big kid. It sure makes me feel like I have a big kid! Ella has started meeting with a friend on Wednesdays before AWANA to paint and learn from her. This has been great, she loves it. I appreciate all the fun they have while learning at the same time. 

You may ask what John and I do during the mornings they are at school? Well, I could pretty much fill in each morning with some kind of playgroup or activity, but there are a few where we just come home and hang out. He doesn't prefer those so much. He begs to go get the kids and won't play on his own. Friends have said, "John must love all the attention." No. He hates it actually. I've tried to play with him, read to him, even hide and seek, which I can't stand, and he gives it one try and asks me, "how much longer till we leave?" He's not used to being on his own and I'm thinking having a baby around come January will be a great thing for him. (I hope I'm right). He's already telling me how he's going to play with brother and make sure he never goes up the stairs. (Not that he will move around much) I recently told one of my friends that I use the time for John and I to get errands done with just one kid, or take him on little dates. I said, "John and I, we go places. We don't just sit and wait for things to happen." Ha! 

Even with my kids in only one activity, somehow I feel like we are busy. Andrew's schedule is finally letting up a bit and having him around more is always good. I still get behind on everything though, no matter what. Resting when they do has a lot to do with it. I'm always on catch up mode. I've just learned to deal with it and be glad when I do get tasks done. The kids are helping a little more too. They also have the ability to sit still for longer periods of time, coloring, reading, watching a TV show here and there, allowing for little breaks in the day. Every night, no matter how hard the day has been, how many times I've had to discipline, or have found myself wondering how I'm ever going to make it through parenting, I am able to pray and thank God for the little blessings He's given me. How the kids have the ability to make me crazy and yet make me so thankful is beyond me. Their hugs, kisses, smiles, and "I love you's" make up for it. I am thoroughly enjoying watching them grow and learn and can't wait for all that's ahead of us.

August in PA

After time in Alaska with family and a much needed week off for Andrew included in that trip, we were back to reality with no one here to entertain except good old Mommy. By this point Andrew was 4 months into a very long and taxing (on all of us) rotation and nights where he saw the kids were few and far between. I had to get creative and we spent a lot of time hanging out with friends and doing fun stuff to pass the time. Really the only things that I kept thinking was, the kids start school soon, that will take us to September. September will fly by and that will get us to October when we get to see Daddy again! Horrible I know, but true. I can't complain too much because he has told me that this particular rotation taught him so much, but I think later on, when I try and remember the good things about residency, April-October 2012 will not be included in that discussion. So! What did the kids and I do? Well, here are some of the activities in pictures. 

On a night when Daddy was home, we shucked corn and cooked it up. We did this a lot in August.
Corn and peaches, peaches and corn and more of both.

The kids hung out in boxes and watched morning cartoons while I rested on the couch. 

The kids' Sunday School class had a picnic at a house that is on a very nice property. They
played in the creek and caught cray fish. John watched small caterpillars.

We bought zucchini and made chocolate muffins with it. Then more bread. And cooked it plain too.
Basically, I've had my fill of it for a while. 

The resident's auxiliary hosted a family night where I took the kids to see friends.
They played golf and did the driving range. Free fun and food. Double great. 

The Montour-DeLong fair is small, but a nice way to spend an evening with friends.
We saw animals and ate good (not good for you) food.

We cuddled on the couch and rested before bed.

Peter built a fruit loop train after breakfast when we were at the hotel up by where Andrew was working one weekend.
He was pretty proud of his sorting.

This pretty much took us up to the end of the month when we got ready to start the kids in school and all the other activities that September brings. August had some hot days, but for the most part, we enjoyed the last month of sure warmth. This was our last August in Danville, (sad) and we ate as much produce (corn, watermelon, peaches, squash...) as we could. We kept saying that we couldn't believe all the things we did that month we wouldn't do again next year. As we prepared to start Ella in Kindergarten and Peter in pre-school, it seemed a little emotional, but they got more excited as the days went by and that helped us get excited with them. Time really is passing quickly and we are trying to make the most of each "last" here as well as cherish all the "firsts" that are happening for the kids.

July ~ Took us to Alaska.

Alaska, the land of "big," the place people often say, "I've always wanted to go there," the environment in which large biting bugs eat up my children, and most of my family still resides. In the woods there, I'm always on alert for fear of large mammals that may or may not be moody and ready to attack. I've not been hiking there since I had little ones to look after, or was pregnant and couldn't outrun anything after me. I know my family thinks I'm "dramatic" in my outlook of the forest there, I like to call it, "careful." I've seen too many bears, been chased by one too many moose, and just in general like to stay in proximity to civilization or with someone who has a weapon. (In the woods, not the city). However, that huge state seems to have a pull on us no matter how fearful I am of the wildlife or how far we have to travel to get there. It's beautiful. It has the best fishing. No one this side of the Mississippi knows how to make a chai quite like my favorite little shop up North. We still somehow manage to think that the possibility of living there is maybe a good idea. That was the point of Andrew taking his trip there this year. He met with Air Force docs and chatted about the odds of us making it on base next June. They seem optimistic. He seems optimistic. I'm waiting until March when we get official orders, but it's hard not to get a twinge of "happy" when I think about how much closer to all of our family we would be. One flight to just about anywhere the rest of the family is. Granted, the cost of living is atrocious and could give me an anxiety attack thinking about the price of housing after living in PA, but that's details. Big picture, it would be pretty nice. I won't get ahead of myself though, we went there just to see the new babies and visit the rest of the family. We were able to catch up with friends and go to some of our favorite places. Andrew fished and spent time at the base hospital. It was a nice time catching up with those we love and would love to live closer to.